Living with Insecurities

It feels lonely. It feels empty. It’s uncomfortable and I want to run to something familiar, something supporting. The feeling of ‘insecurity’ or ‘inadequacy’ is a human emotion.  It’s a feeling that hits us when we don’t expect it and when we recognize it, it’s something we don’t quite understand. From young to old, insecurity hits in the center of the heart. Where does it come from? Is it something I must experience? Does it have to knock me down so low?

You are not alone in feeling insecure. It’s an experience that is felt by you, me, and all of us. It feels debilitating at the time, but it doesn’t have to keep us down. It’s a feeling that can teach us more about our self and reminds us of the growth that we can fulfill.

Insecurity, for me, occurs when my mind starts comparing my skills, inadequacies, character with someone else who I perceive as more adequate and skilled. ‘Perceived’ is a key word. Insecurity is generated by the thought of comparison. Perceptions, assumptions, comparison is at the root.  These are roots that don’t need to be pulled, they need some nourishment instead so they bloom to become of a beautiful garden. The roots are in all of us, no matter how confident we feel, the success we have experienced, or the wealth that follows us.

Nourishing the roots of insecurity requires nourishment from an inward process, not outward. It’s the outward process or comparison that seeds the roots in the first place. So its turning inward to the self that we nourish the roots to eventual grow the beautiful landscape that we desire.

Turning inward doesn’t mean putting on blinders to the outside, it means changing our focus to what is important. Distraction is all around us.  Our joy, our purpose, our accomplishments don’t come from the distraction. Instead, the value of our life is always brought back to the attention of our heart and soul, our Being.

Changing the roots of insecurities can be done in various ways.  Again, we are unique, we are individuals. You and I have different experiences, but the work required for growth and security is universal.

When I am feeling insecure, these gentle reminders realign my perspective and my focus of inner growth is strengthened.

1) Spend 5 minutes and list your personal strengths on paper. See the amazing qualities you have with your relationships, work, life skills, and individual characteristics. There are many things you do for yourself and others that make you an amazing person.

2) Sit, close your eyes, and visualize being in the shoes of someone who cares for you. A parent, partner, friend, teacher, God.  Imagine what they would tell you are your strengths. Hear their praise of you. Focus on the positive words that they say about you, then smile.

3) Create a plan for growth. List two things you will do this week that promotes growth for you. It doesn’t have to relate to the reason of feeling insecure.  It can be any activity that will bring you more knowledge, experience, or strength in your individual being.

4) Acknowledge that you are human, imperfect, but continue to grow and develop in ways that are indescribable. Remind yourself that each person is on their own journey of growth. Every person is unique and together we all complement each other.  Imagine having love for the other person we have compared ourselves to. Express love to them and express love to yourself.

Reality is that there is someone who is jealous of you. Who feels insecure because of the qualities or experiences you have.  I don’t say this with intent to make you feel better or for you to boast. Thinking that someone else may feel insecure because of what they see in you can shift your perception.  Our experience of life is based on our perception. Allow this shift in perception bring you comfort that all of us are experiencing the same feelings and you now have an opportunity to redirect your focus inward to find the garden that is waiting to blossom.